Breastfeeding Shouldn't Hurt: What Every New Parent Needs to Know About Latch

One of the most common things I hear from new mamas is some version of this: "I know breastfeeding hurts in the beginning. My nipples just need to toughen up."

I understand why this belief is so widespread — it gets passed around in mom groups, in hospital hallways, even from well-meaning family members who breastfed a generation ago. But I want to offer you something more helpful than that myth:

Breastfeeding should not hurt. A good latch is a pain-free latch. And the steps to get there are simpler than you think.

Why Does Latching Hurt?

In most cases, a painful latch comes down to one thing: baby is latched too shallow.

It isn't intuitive how deep baby needs to be on the breast — most new parents assume a little nipple contact is enough. But a truly good latch means most, if not all, of the areola is in baby's mouth. When baby latches too shallow, your nipple gets pressed up against the hard palate with every suck.

Here's a way to feel exactly what that means: place your tongue to the roof of your mouth, close to your teeth. Feel those ridges? A shallow latch is essentially raking your nipple across that surface over and over again — every two to three hours, around the clock. Nipple tissue is delicate, and it deteriorates quickly. A shallow latch can lead to cracking, bleeding, and damage that compounds with every feeding.

Now move your tongue back to where the hard palate meets the soft palate. Feel the difference? That's where your nipple needs to land — cushioned, comfortable, and with room to breathe.

How to Get a Deep, Pain-Free Latch

Your goal is to have your nipple land at the junction of the hard and soft palate. Here's how to get there, step by step:

1. Position baby in your forearm with your thumb and index finger gently behind baby's ears, supporting the base of the skull — not pushing the head.

2. Bring baby to breast height — not breast to baby. Line up baby's ear, shoulder and hip.

3. Turn baby fully in toward you. Tummy to tummy. Baby's belly should not be facing the ceiling — their whole body should be facing yours.

4. Line up chin to skin and nipple to nose. Your nipple should be pointing slightly upward toward baby's nose, not straight into their mouth. Their chin should anchor against the breast below the nipple encouraging a nice wide gape.

5. Wait for the wide gape. Patience here matters. When baby opens their mouth wide, sweep them in close — going up and over the nipple in one smooth motion.

6. Check in with your body. You should feel pulling or tugging — that's normal and expected. What you should not feel is pinching, burning, or pain.

7. No pain? You've got it. A deep, comfortable latch is something you'll recognize immediately — and so will your baby.

Don't Wait to Get Help

Unlike birth, which has a clear and immediate end point, breastfeeding is an ongoing journey. Your newborn is coming to breast every two to three hours. Damaged nipple tissue doesn't get a chance to rest or recover between feedings — which is why a painful latch compounds so quickly and feels so defeating.

If breastfeeding is painful, please don't wait it out hoping it gets better on its own. Reach out to an IBCLC. In most cases, a few small adjustments are all it takes to completely turn things around — and you deserve a feeding experience that feels good, not one you're just surviving.

You don't have to white-knuckle your way through this. Reach out - it’s what I’m here for.